A WAHumorous World

It's high time somebody addressed the issue of how not to write a product review. Seeing as I had nothing better to do, here goes.

1. Do Not elaborate about your recommendation.
A short, simple set of statements such as, "I bought it, I love it, Now buy it" will obviously be sufficient to cause your visitor to grab their wallet and whip out that credit card. Examples from personal experience to which your visitor may relate will only inform and educate, resulting in a more solid, informed buying decision less likely to be charged back by a disgruntled customer. Who wants that?

2. Do Not use clear and concise language. It tends to lead to a good understanding of the product and your trustworthiness. Better keep 'em guessing and off-balance so you can grab that sale before they know what happened. True, they may leave in disgust instead or demand a refund once they can think straight again. Still, it all evens out - lots of fish in the sea and all that.

3. Do Not employ personal stories as examples. Why bore them with your firsthand experiences? Who's gonna care what features you found most helpful and what was not so helpful? What's it matter how easy it was for you to use or the time and/or money you saved (or made)by using it? Let them find out for themselves!

4. Do Not show your honesty and trustworthiness by establishing a relationship with the reader. Relationships take time and effort to develop. While this person may be more inclined to purchase from you again, where is that in writing? They give money, you give product...Next!!

5. Do Not hesitate to demand the sale from the very beginning. Keep hitting them up to buy so they give in to the pressure. Gently and politely redirecting their attention to the link is for sissies. Don't waste time with respect...get that sale!!

By faithfully following each of these five steps, I assure you that you'll have no problem with sales. You just won't have any.